I found a new exciting workout thingie yesterday to try via the on-demand exercise channel. I only recently discovered this genius channel – loads and loads of workout videos, essentially, all loaded onto the channel and you can pick one to play whenever you want and get a workout. It’s free, too (well, it comes with your cable package), which is my kind of price.

This new one was a variant on the kickboxing video I’d been doing semi-regularly for the past month, and had got a little bored with. The video I found yesterday was supposed to add in other exercises to make it more of an ‘abs and buns’ workout. I need nice abs and buns, I thought to myself. Let’s give it a whirl. I thought I managed to keep up with it pretty well, although it was definitely much harder than the other one, and I didn’t skip any of the exercises even when my legs were shaking with effort and I realised how puny my muscles are. Hurrah for me! I exercised. I sweated and pushed myself. I felt quite good for the rest of the day; I was in better shape than I thought, clearly.

When I woke up this morning and nearly fell over getting out of bed, I realised that perhaps I was kidding myself.

I haven’t felt particularly inspired to write a blog post recently. I half-started a bunch of things and then deleted them because they were unbelievably dull. Although I set myself a challenge to write a blog post every day this year, I’m realising that I don’t have enough to say that is interesting enough to merit that volume. I’m keeping my little reminders on my calendar though, because it’s good to try and write as often as I can.

I’ve got a bit of filming coming up this weekend so perhaps a hilarious story will come out of that. I actually think I need to start writing things down, because I have ideas all the time for funny stories and anecdotes about my ridiculous life, but when my phone beeps at me to write a post, my mind goes blank. Which I suppose is a story in itself, but it’s not exactly funny ha-ha. More like an Adam Buxton long-pause-fart reaction.

If you don’t listen to Adam & Joe, you won’t get that joke, but then I also don’t know if I like you anymore.

Aaaaand finally, my far-too-detailed account of our little jaunt to a tropical island comes to a close with this final, riveting installment:

Hank decided that we just had to roll with whatever we had and that we’d rock a mainly instrumental set at Caribbean Saloon, with me covering on songs if necessary and making up some jams as well. He’d tried everything from gargling seawater to gargling cortisone cream (NOT recommended and he nearly puked several times), but no voice was forthcoming. So he just started on the whiskey in the hope it would help, and if not, he’d at least be drunk and care slightly less!

A quick clothing change (for me, at least; I gotta keep up the style end of the group, ya know?) and we were off to the Saloon. We started with Carefree Livin’, which Hank was sure he could scream through, and I backed up a lot more than usual to beef up the vocals. Miraculously, a few songs in, his voice actually started to resemble a voice again as it warmed up, and he could do some really crazy, Dave Grohl in full-screaming-mode sounds that he normally can never do without wrecking his voice! The set was SLAMMING; playing lounge & jazz music for three hours had really warmed us all up and we had a blast jamming out on some ridiculous little songs that Darren and Toby just made up on the spot (‘Porn Jam’ was my favourite and one I hope makes a comeback at a future gig). Awesome! We played some classics too and a few of our own tunes, and had a great night. I was so, so relieved – I really wanted us to do a great job for Terrie (who unfortunately missed the whole gig because she was sick at home with a horrible migraine) and I think we did that. The bar staff and megastar sound engineer, Rob, all complimented us on the gig and we even got Rob to sit in on a tune. He nearly burst my eardrums. I was standing right in front of the ride cymbal, and Rob hit that thing so loudly that I was seriously worried for my hearing. I’ve never heard anyone play the drums that loudly before. It rocked, but at that moment I really wished I was wearing earlplugs.

We finally quit playing around 3am, and Toby headed back to the hotel pretty soon after that as he was exhausted and his hand was killing him – he broke it really badly not too long ago and it was still getting swollen when he played. I think Sergio also left early (ie before 5am) too, but by that point I was so deliriously tired I couldn’t really tell you what happened when! We got a ride home from Rob, Hank and I sitting in the open back of his little Jeep and feeling the warm night air on our faces with millions of stars above us. It was pretty awesome.

Perhaps four hours later, Hank and I were awake and heading to the airport to pick up a rental car for the last couple of days. Darren was leaving that day (Sunday) but the rest of us were off on a boat trip to St. John! Some friends of Dan (our trumpet player) lived down there and owned this awesome 50-foot cigarette boat that was seriously fast. We set off just before lunch and sped along the coastline of St. Thomas, watching all the boats in the Regatta racing in the bay, and rode over the water to a cove on St. John that was overlooking Tortuga, one of the British Virgin Islands. We snorkeled (my first time, and I saw a beautiful turtle and thousands of fish and a miniature reef!), ate good food and listened to jazz being played over the boat’s sound system. I felt like a celebrity in the 1960s. On the way back to St. Thomas, we got pulled over by the US Coast Guard, which absolutely made Hank’s day! He loves this documentary show about the Coast Guard, and when a little powered dinghy with about 5 of them rode up along side us and asked us to slow down, he totally geeked out. They apparently do random inspections of boats to make sure they have enough lifejackets, etc etc, so we just sat down like good tourists and enjoyed the experience. Unlike traffic cops in NYC, they were very friendly and polite!

Back in St. Thomas, we were staying in a really cool apartment that we got hooked up with for the last two nights, and it was lovely to have our own place with a living room and a kitchen to cook in. Hank made some great food for dinner and I was out like a light after two glasses of wine. Lightweight.

The next day, Hank and I drove around the island visiting some very nice resorts and schmoozing with the hospitality coordinators. We got a tour of the Ritz-Carlton resort (SO NICE) and met up with a lady at the Marriott, both of whom were very interested in having us play next year. I’m definitely keeping my fingers crossed, they have a spa at the Ritz!

Our last night in USVI was a fairly quiet one; we went out for dinner at a Rastafarian bar/restaurant on the beach and had some real local food for the first time since we got there. It was pretty damn delicious and we’ll definitely go back there next time we visit. We then headed back to the apartment, had some wine and walked out to the gorgeous private beach to sit on the sand and look at the stars for a while. You see one or two if you’re lucky in New York, but the sky out there was lit up with constellations. I could even identify a few.

New York was typically cold when we got back, and by the end of that week it had snowed, which made me feel extra welcome. It might be full of concrete and have terrible weather, but I really did miss the place. I won’t complain when I have to fly to the Caribbean next March, though.

Thanks for keeping up with my travels! I promise to get my act together and add photos/videos to these blogs over the weekend. Promise. Honest.

Apologies for the weekend interruption – the combination of an old friend in town to visit plus 6am starts on Saturday AND Sunday meant I had little time to get on the blogosphericon. So – back to the story:

After a freshen up and a proper shower, we went to get in the two cars to head back to the Beach Bar for our gig. Barbara (our lovely host) went to start her beaten-up old Jeep, and nothing happened. We tried to jump it from Cathy’s rental car, and nothing happened. Something funky was going on with her engine and we were running out of time to get there to set up. After a brief moment of ‘what the hell are we going to do?’, we settled for the only possible option. All 8 of us were going to have to cram into Cathy’s car for the ride to the bar.

Luckily, she had a decent-sized rental car with plenty of room in the back, but OH MY GOD. It was the most hilarious/terrifying car ride since I rode in taxis in Uganda with rust holes in the floor. I was scrunched in the front seat, half-sitting on Darren’s lap and half crushed in the footwell. There were four people squished on the back seat, and Dan (intrepid trumpet player) and Hank were crammed in the rather small boot [trunk] of what was fortunately a hatchback. Add in the switchbacks and crazy inclines, plus trying to hide the fact that there were 8 of us in there from a police car that drove by, and you’ve got a serious case of the giggles from yours truly. I nearly cried all my makeup off.

After the eventful car ride, the gig itself was pretty smooth and a lot of fun. Hilarity continued when we got the drum kit down from the storage room, and discovered it was a mini kit – the bass drum was a floor tom turned sideways and it had the smallest snare drum I have ever seen in my life! Good thing that Toby is not the tallest guy in the world or he would have had serious trouble trying to even play it. However, we have an insanely talented band and Toby rocked it on drums that night. The gig was a blast and we had a great crowd who got down, got drunk and danced all through the gig. At the end of the gig, Hank asked if anyone was driving back past Cinnamon Bay after the gig, as we had no ride home, and a random lady who was there came right up to us and offered us a ride! Between her SUV and Cathy’s car, we had plenty of room to ride home in style.

Then came the bugs.

There was a BRIGHT red shiny beetle in my tent (that I was sharing with Julie & Toby) as well as a couple of quite prehistoric looking insects, that I just knew were the biting kind. Bright red insects usually mean they are poisonous, and Julie and I were half-exhausted and getting into fits of hysterical giggles over the insanity of our lives at that moment, so we harassed Toby into getting the beetle out of the tent. We then decided to wear long sleeves to avoid being bitten, and Julie took a hilarious photo of me all wrapped up in my hoodie with a towel over my head, pulling a scared face at all the creepy-crawlies in the tent! (Once I sort out the photos I shall upload said picture).

The heat and humidity combined with wearing jeans and a hoodie to bed meant I slept TERRIBLY that night. Woke up the next day with a very croaky throat and felt completely wiped out. As I shuffled over to the other tent that the guys were in, I came across Hank who had absolutely no voice whatsoever. The combination of lack of sleep, sudden weather change and singing hard for the last two nights had caught up with both of us, and he was suffering the most. We resolved to try and be optimistic that his voice would come back, and packed up to drive back to Cruz Bay to catch the ferry to St. Thomas.

We made the ferry back and decamped at the Caribbean Saloon for soundcheck. We were early, so we ordered lunch while they were setting up the awesome-looking stage for that night, and then all of us crashed out somewhere in the bar and took a nap. We must have looked quite a sight – (mostly) unwashed, dark circles under the eyes and two singers with no voices. Not exactly the image of a cool rock band. Sound check went smoothly though and I was super happy with the monitoring system that Rob (amazing sound engineer and also a musician) set up, whereby I basically had my own monitor and could hear myself as clear as a bell. I usually cannot hear myself singing at all,  so to get the royal treatment was pretty nice!

We begged (yet more) free rides back to the hotel, Bolongo Bay, and we all took much-needed showers and naps. That night, we were to play two shows in a row – the first a lounge act at the hotel (sans Hank, luckily, so he could try and fix his voice) and the gig at Caribbean Saloon which we really wanted to nail. Terrie had done so much for us and we were determined to show her that her faith in us was not mistaken!

The lounge gig went really well. People seemed to enjoy the music we picked, which was sometimes written out parts and sometimes just Dan, Sergio, Darren & Toby going ‘do you know ‘St. Thomas’? Yeah, it’s in D right?’ and winging some great tunes from memory! Next year we’re planning more of these gigs and this was a good test for us to see if we could really do it. Sergio was a natural leader of this kind of group, and he and Dan both had some fantastic solos. I got to do a little noodling myself on the sax and the flute, which was fun, and although we had a near-disaster when I sang Girl From Ipanema and could not hear the right key for love nor money, it otherwise went off without a hitch. Success! The owners were happy with us and they were plying Hank with dark rum as a vocal anasthetic. However, nothing was working and we had to face the very real possibility that we would have no lead singer for the biggest gig of the tour.

That story is coming up in Part 3….

Yes, I know, it has been an age since I said I would do these, but other things kept getting in my way. But here we go! I’ll try and add in some photos later, they will be mainly courtesy of the fabulous Julie Kandall our merch maven.

The tour started with a far-too-early wake up call at 4.15am. It was absolutely freezing outside and sleety snow was falling, which made me wonder if I should take my heavy winter coat with me just for the journey to the airport and back. I decided against it in the end, because we were taking a cab and I just couldn’t face lugging a big coat around the Virgin Islands for 6 days. I settled instead for lots of layers and a scarf.

We got to JFK in plenty of time and had our first obstacle of the tour: the airline website had said the first checked bag on flights to USVI was free, the check-in agent said it was now $25 each. Sigh. Luckily, everyone had packed light and could take their luggage as carry-on instead of us having to fork out hundreds on bag fees. I had to check my saxophone, as it’s way too big to be allowed in the cabin, and two other bags went into the hold, but we made a lucky escape. So we celebrated by having an enormous Bloody Mary after getting through security (which was hilarious in itself, as all Sean’s guitar pedals confused the hell out of the TSA guy x-raying our bags and he had to take them all out and inspect them!).

After a smooth flight, in which Hank continued the vodka drinking and managed to get TWO free drinks out of the flight attendant without even trying (we think it’s because she fancied Darren; she gave him free drinks too) we landed in St. Thomas to see crystal-blue waters, palm trees and white beaches. As I walked into the terminal, a woman was standing with a tray of small plastic cups. “Complimentary rum?” Don’t mind if I do. Welcome to the Caribbean!

After another snafu involving transport to the hotel, which ended up costing us money (you can see where our karma lies), we checked in (drinking more complimentary rum in the process) and spent the last part of the day chilling out by the pool or on the beach. Toby, who I think was a fish in a former life, was in the ocean within seconds of getting there, and Darren, Hank and I all took a dip as well. It was a lovely way to start the tour and Hank & I were glad that we had decided to fly in a day early; not only was it cheaper, it allowed everyone to settle in and get an early night after the long day of travelling. We had a delicious dinner and I crashed out long before everyone else did.

Thursday dawned bright, sunny and warm (this was a running theme, how dreadful) and Hank and I were excited to finally meet Terrie Pantusco, the woman who booked the main three gigs we were here to play. She picked us up just before lunch and we headed to her bar, the Caribbean Saloon. As we walked in, the bartender looked at us and said “oh, I know who you guys are”. Our faces were all over the bar, on postcards, posters, a banner and on the TV screens that showed ads for upcoming gigs at the Saloon. It was beyond cool. We had a great lunch there, overlooking the harbour, chatting to the awesome bar staff at the Saloon and planning a few things out.

By the time we got back to the hotel, it was time to get ready for the first of our gigs. We were really excited to start playing and very grateful that Paul and Richard, owners of Bolongo Bay (the resort we stayed at) offered to give us all a ride up there to save us money. Jack’s is a cool outdoor venue, kind of in the middle of the island, and despite some early feedback issues that nearly broke our drummer Toby’s eardrums (the monitors had been set up in reverse for some insane reason, and we had huge sonic booms almost knock us all over when we turned them on), we ended up playing a monster set and everyone there was super happy with us. There are a few pics from this gig that I’ll try to put up later on.

We snagged yet more free rides back home and hung out for a while, before I (predictably) went to bed. I was worried about losing my voice, as that always happens when I’m over-tired, so I was trying to get as much sleep as possible. Although I was sharing a room with two guys (one of whom has sleep apnea) I didn’t do too badly. I’m lucky that a) all the guys in my band are pretty clean and tidy and don’t snore like crazy or mess up the bathroom, and b) I’ve shared a room with pretty much everyone by now, having done enough trips out of town to play where we have two rooms to fit six of us! We were lucky in USVI that we each got our own bed, so I wasn’t complaining.

Friday was the big move day; we were playing that night on St. John, the neighbouring island, so we had to pack up and get over to the harbour to catch the ferry. We got there and managed to get ourselves all tickets and onto the right ferry, and while riding across the water (which was spectacularly gorgeous) we made friends with the lady sitting opposite, who had just arrived and was going to visit her daughter who lived on St. John. She bought a tank top after hearing about us and we gave her a CD! She promised to come and check out our gig that night on St. John.

The owner of the Beach Bar, our venue that night, gave us a ride to the campground we were staying at in his little pickup truck. He had built an ingenious seat extension for the back of the truck, so some of the guys were back there and Sean, Sergio and I were in the cab. Now St. John has some of the most insane roads I have ever seen in my life. It’s very mountainous (being part of a volcano chain) and the road had these unbelievable switchbacks, with the road turning almost back on itself while at a nearly vertical incline. All I could hear from the guys in the back were ‘wooooaaaahhhhh!’. It was kind of scary, but really freaking cool at the same time, and the views were just incredible. I’ll try and link to a little video that Hank took with my camera.

Cinnamon Bay (our campground) was right on this incredibly beautiful beach, but my god it was basic. The tents had mosquito nets that were full of holes and barely kept anything out, which led to some hilarious antics very late that night involving me, Julie, some huge bugs and a night sweating under a sheet wearing long trousers and a hoodie to avoid getting bitten! I had already been eaten alive by some mosquitoes and I was having a bad allergic reaction to them, so I wanted to avoid any more if I could!

Cathy Handy, an old friend of Hank and Sean’s, was also on St. John and she came to hang out with a friend of hers who lives there. Her friend offered to bring us back to the house she was sitting so we could have a proper shower and get ready for the gig, which we gratefully accepted. We were all feeling a little grimy after the day’s travelling, so we crammed into two cars and headed off towards Cruz Bay, the main town.

Gig at Beach Bar and laryngitis coming up in Part 2…….