It’s usually rare for a working actor/musician/whatever to really stop and appreciate their survival job. Most of the time you catch us whining about how we have to have one in order to pay the bills, it’s so unfair, etc etc. Which is true (to an extent). I certainly don’t intend to have a day job (or two) for the rest of my life, but right now it’s the thing standing between me and homelessness. This week, I got reminded.

I’ve had very consistent work through my temp agency for over a year. Generally, if I want to work, I get work. Very occasionally, there’s an odd day where I get nothing and I enjoy an unexpected day off. To finish the year in style, I made a big determination about a financial victory that I have had for a long time, and was really making a point of believing it was possible (instead of a pipe dream). So what happened? I didn’t get any work for three days. The universe decided to remind me to appreciate what I already have, and also take a look at whether I was serious about my goal. Give up and cry defeat, never going to happen, or fight back and not give up? Before, I’ve caved. I compromise on what I really want and start making excuses in my head about why it isn’t going to happen. We’ve all done that. But this time, I was done with that crap. If I want something to happen, nothing is standing in the way except me. The question is: how much do I believe I can achieve anything?

I’m happy to say that I am working today, and I hope to work the first half of next week before I go home for ChristmaHanuKwanzaSaturnaliamas. Those three days not working have hit my already precarious finances hard, being that December is an expensive month of present-buying, AND I’m not working for ten days at the end of the month. But I’m still determined to have that victory. I have no idea how. But I decided it’s happening anyway. Until it does, I am really appreciating my survival job, and how fortunate I am that all the people here are so supportive of my goals and tell me to keep pursuing them. Plus I get health insurance. There’s a lot to be grateful for.

Today I turned 30. A lot of people have anxiety about reaching a new decade; we’re suddenly seeming a whole lot older and that can be scary. But I’m really looking forward to my 30s – I feel like I have much more of a clue about myself and what I want from life now than I ever did as a 20 year old.

Last weekend, I went to Florida to attend a study conference at my Buddhist organisation’s Nature and Culture Centre. Having the opportunity to refresh my faith in such a beautiful setting, to receive wonderful guidance and do a lot of studying came at the perfect time. It’s definitely marking a milestone in my life and I used it as a chance to redetermine to achieve all my goals, no matter how impossible they may seem. I’m the only one who can prevent them from happening, so I’d better get a move on I suppose!

Happily, I’m on that road already with some good auditions coming up, Coyote Love’s second tour in the works for next March and rehearsals for the newest episode of Unlicensed in full swing. I’m having so much fun on this show and really love being back on stage with the Dysfunctionals. I’d like to keep doing more theatre next year, as I realised how much I missed the fun and the training of indie theatre in recent months. Breaking down my tendency to procrastinate instead of taking action for my career is going to be my biggest challenge next year – but one I am convinced I will break through. Part of that is recognising all the work I have already put in, and appreciating all the support and protection I get from my family, friends and the universe in general. Towards the end of the year, I am chanting with a renewed sense of appreciation for all the wonderful things in my life.

So happy birthday to me, and thanks everyone for all you do for me!