It’s usually rare for a working actor/musician/whatever to really stop and appreciate their survival job. Most of the time you catch us whining about how we have to have one in order to pay the bills, it’s so unfair, etc etc. Which is true (to an extent). I certainly don’t intend to have a day job (or two) for the rest of my life, but right now it’s the thing standing between me and homelessness. This week, I got reminded.

I’ve had very consistent work through my temp agency for over a year. Generally, if I want to work, I get work. Very occasionally, there’s an odd day where I get nothing and I enjoy an unexpected day off. To finish the year in style, I made a big determination about a financial victory that I have had for a long time, and was really making a point of believing it was possible (instead of a pipe dream). So what happened? I didn’t get any work for three days. The universe decided to remind me to appreciate what I already have, and also take a look at whether I was serious about my goal. Give up and cry defeat, never going to happen, or fight back and not give up? Before, I’ve caved. I compromise on what I really want and start making excuses in my head about why it isn’t going to happen. We’ve all done that. But this time, I was done with that crap. If I want something to happen, nothing is standing in the way except me. The question is: how much do I believe I can achieve anything?

I’m happy to say that I am working today, and I hope to work the first half of next week before I go home for ChristmaHanuKwanzaSaturnaliamas. Those three days not working have hit my already precarious finances hard, being that December is an expensive month of present-buying, AND I’m not working for ten days at the end of the month. But I’m still determined to have that victory. I have no idea how. But I decided it’s happening anyway. Until it does, I am really appreciating my survival job, and how fortunate I am that all the people here are so supportive of my goals and tell me to keep pursuing them. Plus I get health insurance. There’s a lot to be grateful for.

Today I turned 30. A lot of people have anxiety about reaching a new decade; we’re suddenly seeming a whole lot older and that can be scary. But I’m really looking forward to my 30s – I feel like I have much more of a clue about myself and what I want from life now than I ever did as a 20 year old.

Last weekend, I went to Florida to attend a study conference at my Buddhist organisation’s Nature and Culture Centre. Having the opportunity to refresh my faith in such a beautiful setting, to receive wonderful guidance and do a lot of studying came at the perfect time. It’s definitely marking a milestone in my life and I used it as a chance to redetermine to achieve all my goals, no matter how impossible they may seem. I’m the only one who can prevent them from happening, so I’d better get a move on I suppose!

Happily, I’m on that road already with some good auditions coming up, Coyote Love’s second tour in the works for next March and rehearsals for the newest episode of Unlicensed in full swing. I’m having so much fun on this show and really love being back on stage with the Dysfunctionals. I’d like to keep doing more theatre next year, as I realised how much I missed the fun and the training of indie theatre in recent months. Breaking down my tendency to procrastinate instead of taking action for my career is going to be my biggest challenge next year – but one I am convinced I will break through. Part of that is recognising all the work I have already put in, and appreciating all the support and protection I get from my family, friends and the universe in general. Towards the end of the year, I am chanting with a renewed sense of appreciation for all the wonderful things in my life.

So happy birthday to me, and thanks everyone for all you do for me!

Coyote Love had another fun gig at The Underground last night. It was a rainy Tuesday evening and therefore not the largest crowd we’ve ever had, but they were enjoying it and we were too, so who cares? I got a couple of compliments on my singing which I was really happy about. I’m not sure exactly what happened recently, but my voice has finally decided to show up. I mean my real singing voice, the one I always thought I had but could never quite manifest in real life. I have always known it was there, strangely, but it was apparently not ready to materialise until I put some work in. (Funny that.) I also think that I have the kind of voice that needed time to age. I’m turning 30 in a couple of weeks and I’m more and more comfortable in my own body, voice and personality than I have been at any other time in my life. Age, wisdom, blah blah blah.

However, after I had struggled for the last couple of years with losing my voice at the drop of a hat – particularly when I was tired, which was not very helpful as I’m usually always tired – I got fed up and decided to take a multi-pronged approach to fixing the problem once and for all. As we play more and more gigs, and are planning another tour in the Caribbean next March, which last time became an epic battle to keep any shreds of voice intact for the last gig, I knew it was time.

Firstly, I needed to take care of it better. I can’t drink while I’m performing as much as I used to – it dries out my throat – and I have to warm up before our gigs, even just a couple of minutes. Secondly, when I get a bad throat, I started gargling hot salt water – not the most pleasant thing in the world, but so unbelievably effective and better than pumping over the counter or prescription medications into myself when a natural remedy works just as well. Thirdly – I really decided to want it. Everything we achieve (or don’t) comes from our own sense of determination, and I had never truly focused my determination on having a strong singing voice. So it was included in my list of goals on my Buddhist altar, and I have been chanting regularly to improve for the last few months (and increasing the amount I chant every day helps both spiritually AND because it’s exercising my voice – bonus!). It’s amazing what changes when your attitude does.

This morning, after getting home at 1am and then rising at 7 to get ready for work, I was happy to note that I am not croaking like I used to be after a late gig night. Band practice tonight is working on a new cover song that is all vocals, and we’re doing about an hour of warmups singing Bach chorales first, so the old shouty box is going to be in tip top condition by the end of this week.

This weekend, the band went upstate to play a gig at SUNY Delhi for the fourth year in a row. It’s always an interesting gig, as we’re essentially playing to the students in the cafeteria during dinner. Not exactly the rock and roll lifestyle, I know, but hey. A band’s gotta play wherever they get a gig, ya know? After our hilariously awkward gig last Thursday (see blog post here), anything would be an improvement. We didn’t get much audience response on Saturday, but we definitely had a good time and got some great compliments from the campus activities director, who also booked us for the spring. Success! Then Hank got sick and we had a flat tire. Swings and roundabouts.

(A blog post on that is coming soon on the Coyote blog, which I will link to when it goes up.)
UPDATE: Here’s the post on our weekend gig.

So the band is going along pretty well, and that is highlighting to me the woeful lack of film work this year. Either there were lots of people looking for short-haired actresses last year, or I was just in a groove, because this year it’s been rubbish. I’m submitting as much as I can – but the volume of roles available to me seems so much less and of those, I’m not getting as many auditions. It’s becoming a source of frustration because I want to be working. However, I also had a realisation that I’ve let my big goals this year – feature film work and freelancing with agents – slip by because of procrastination and self-doubt. I had a little tantrum about this the other day and am now working on getting over myself and sending out my headshot to agents. By the end of the year, I will have sent it to 10 suitable agents and have monologues prepared for any meetings I get. This is my determination. If I write it here and publish it publicly, it means I actually have to do it.

So there you go.

The band had a super fun jam session last night. The absolute joy of having a dedicated studio space all to ourselves on a weekly basis cannot be overstated to you all. We have been a nomad band from the very beginning – never enough money to rent a studio regularly, we have hopped around all kinds of spaces and spent the best part of three years rehearsing in the living room of fellow independent artists and all-round amazing chicas, Left on Red. Since early September, we have been using RedBird Studios in the Music Building on Eighth Avenue (and holy crap does that place smell like weed from the second you walk in there) and although it is TINY for six of us it is our space. We’re slowly getting it configured to work for us, so the setup time is getting smaller (and when I say ‘we’ I really mean Hank) but the luxury of all that time has paid off hugely in the quality of our output. We recently had a killer gig at The Underground, a venue we’ve been desperate to get into for ages, and our consistent vocal practice meant that one of our new songs sounded like this:

Coyote Love – Why'd You Have To Do It Now?

Not bad, huh? This is going to be on our upcoming blues album, so if you like its insane catchiness, make sure you download it when it’s released in 2012. In the meantime, we’re jamming, working on new covers and originals, and planning our second tour in the Caribbean next March. Feeling pretty rock n’ roll at the moment.